Blog Intrepid

I spent most of today feeling down for no reason,topped off with a panic attack that just won’t let up. I guess it’s not really a panic attack, just that panicky feeling you get prior to a full on panic attack. I’d like to feel like I can breathe. Ugh.

On the up side, I finished a knitting project that feels like it’s taken for-bloody-ever: a scarf, in brioche stitch, knit from two skeins of Regia Hand Dye Effect. 840 meters of yarn. I’m so sick of sock yarn right now! BUT, this will be great come winter (which may be tomorrow morning – hubby says it’s 42F and windy out, I’ll snuggle up right here with a cat, thankyouverymuch!).

Next on the needles is a vest from brown Donegal Tweed, knit on sensible size 7s, no more mucking about with 2s!

Ah, insomnia and anxiety, what an awful combination.

I’m PMSing, that probably contributes. My eczema is out of control again, always fun. The combination of the two is making me want to hide in a corner (and slather myself with lotion!).

I’m getting closer to done with the never-ending scarf. 800-some meters of sock yarn, what the hell was I thinking????

Also, one of the cuter reasons to be unable to sleep: I’m pinned under a small cat. I tried to upload a photo but I can’t get the phone far enough away for it to be recognizable as a cat…

Do you ever feel invisible?

The last few days I really have. I suppose it doesn’t help that the Terrible Teenagers are going through a spell of “I don’t have to listen to you, Mom” and the holiday weekend meant all of the coworkers I needed to talk to Friday were out of the office, but still.

Of course, the other side of it is that I sang a solo in church on Sunday and got a lot of nice compliments. The music director asked me to help him lead the congregation in the hymns, and he and I sang a duet. I felt like I butchered the solo & the duet, so maybe it would have been better If I’d been invisible…

The depression is getting worse. I’m working with a therapist, thank goodness, but I can’t seem to get past just feeling like I’ve failed at everything.

It’s probably why it’s so hard for me to blog anymore. I figure anything I have to say is probably boring anyway, so why bother? What’s worse, a non-updated blog or a boring one? (“Ode to a lump of green putty I found in my armpit”, anyone?)

I’m setting myself a goal. So often I’ve said “Yeah, I need to blog more, I need to write more” and yet, somehow it never happens. Today I’m setting a goal – nay, a challenge – for myself, 15 minutes every day.

Fifteen minutes feels like a long time, but I imagine I’m up for it.

I’m waffling about what I should get as a reward.

So, an update. All the things going on…

Knitting wise, as usual I have a lot on my needles. Two shawls – one lace weight and triangular, the other sport weight and circular. Both are proving to be a lot of fun and a bit of a challenge. My favorite!

I’ve also got a small piece using motifs from the Mafalda tomb cushions from Spain, seems too small to do anything useful with, so I’ll probably stuff it and call it a sachet.

I’m also, finally, casting on the sweater I’ve been planning for ages – top down yoke style with the motifs from Nora Gaugin’s Serpentine coat. I’m doing it in black with a hot pinkish-purple for the color work. I’m also taking the challenge of knitting in the proper shaping to make sure it doesn’t look like a tent on me.

Reenactment, well, there’s the Mafalda sachet mentioned above, I’m not working on anything else other than ending the term of my leadership on a good note. I’m both looking forward to it and feeling sad that it’s almost over. It’s been a good run, two years, and the populace has been generally really awesome – we’ve had no real issues within the kingdom. The officers who have served with us have been great to work with, I don’t think we could have done it without them. The candidates who have thrown their hats in for next year genuinely care about the club, or at least seem to, so I can feel good about retiring.

Of course, I have several outfits ticking around in my head, all the pretty clothes I’d like to make, so little time to make them in. At least now I don’t have to worry about court clothes quite so much, I’ve got that covered.

I’m completely sidelined on what little exercise I was doing. The shoulder I hurt a zillion years ago has decided it’s done playing now, so I’m starting physical therapy tomorrow to try and get it back into shape. I’ve been informed I need to not do any exercising – not even walking! – until I get cleared by my physical therapist. I’m surprised at how much I miss it! Watching the scale creep up – slowly, thank goodness – isn’t helping in the least.

Ha, I imagine no one even visits any more…

I’ve made a May Resolution: Blog more.

I’ll probably end up writing about even more random stuff than I used to (yeah… sorry about that. Sorta.). I’ve recently been diagnosed gluten intolerant, so there is loads of fun to blather about with trying to go gluten free, keep my daughter (also gluten intolerant) gluten free, and still keep my son & husband happy with what they’re eating. Needing to make a lot of food from scratch and working full time makes for an interesting schedule.

Of course I’m still knitting like a fiend. Currently working on a lace shawl…

Of course I’m still reenacting. In fact, we got Crown for a second year. This should be interesting…

Since I’m still reenacting, I’m still sewing! Since it would be boring to just sew for ECS related stuff, I’m also branching out into SteamPunk and (gasp!) every day wear!

So! Hope to see you around more!

You would think that with the amount of chaos I seem to attract that I’d always have plenty to write about and entertain my huge audience of blog stalkers But, no, most days it’s tough to update my Facebook status – it’s all just same ol’ same ol’, yanno?

So.

Switzerland rocked. Yeah, imagine that? The kids had a blast. The hubby & I had a blast. We hiked or took the train all over the area we were in (the Graubunden, if you want to Google it). Absolutely breathtaking territory – I have over 400 pictures, I’m still trying to decide which ones I should post. My children now understand the difference between pizza in Switzerland vs. pizza in the US – they’re pretty different critters. We’ve all come to the conclusion that we MUST learn German before we go over again.

Unfortunately, I didn’t get to see my relic bag Apparently, it is owned by a church that keeps their museum off limits to non clergy. I did get to drag the kids to every church in Chur and listen to them whine until Hubby & I took them to a park and let them run wild. Hopefully they appreciated the beauty & history we were looking at, but I think what finally drove them nuts was going through the cathedral that still has an active congregation – there was an awful lot of “Don’t touch that! “Don’t climb on that! “Keep your voice down! “Have some respect for where you are!”

Poor things. I’d’ve gone nuts too!

Since then, I’ve done one major ECS event (Coronation ) and one minor ren faire (Darkwell, sadly, a faire fraught with problems ). I’m watching my “Must Be Done before Vegas Faire” list get longer, and my time to do it in get shorter. At least our term as sovereign is going pretty smoothly (knock on wood).

Work is interesting, as ever. We had another round of layoffs – this time a lot of management went. Kinda creepy. As usual, my work load is “feast or famine.” Right now it’s supposed to be feast but there’s a lot of “email so-and-so and update Document X based on their response.” Not terribly helpful when so-and-so doesn’t get back to you in a timely manner. Ah well. It’s a paycheck, and usually the work is pretty fun.

I made a flip remark on one of my knitting lists that I’d love it if some generous patron would send me over to Switzerland so I can see the Sion and Chur relic bags (see Post #82 to help understand my infatuation). Well, then I find out that between the family company and a generous patron I can fly my entire family to Switzerland and have a place to stay for the cost of one airfare. Holy. Cow. Wait, it gets better! The town we’re staying in is very close to Chur, where one of the bags is housed, and reasonably close to Sion, where the other four bags are. I’m awestruck. Really. Now I just need to see if I can arrange to actually get into the churches where those bags are stored. I wonder if they’re on display? I’m bringing my poor, crude, copy of course. How could I not?!?

I have SO MUCH to do before we leave! I mean, really, should my airplane knitting be socks or a shawl? Lace? I probably ought to pick up some good travel clothes and walking shoes, fortunately there’s a shoe store near the yarn shop. Hmmm, a silk lace shawl? Nothing beaded, of course, that would be a nightmare if we hit turbulence. Pi R Square, maybe? I’ve got to pick a pattern and get it copied, probably best to put it in one of those plastic sleeves. Nothing with too big a chart, of course…

I’ve been having a real tough time with Dad’s death lately… Part of me still expects someone with a camera to jump out from behind a bush laughing about what a great practical joke it was and Dad’ll be there… and it seems every time I turn around there is another reminder that he’s gone, another push towards, well, acceptance, I guess. I’m trying to keep from crawling in a hole and pretending the world doesn’t exist.

I’ve decided to give up on ever doing the German Dress. Oh, there are a number of reasons, but the shortest answer is that I realized that the questions that I want answered before I start on the dress will never be answered without a time machine (or possibly access to the original dress…). So, moving on. Now I have to pick a new dress, and get over my phobia that I’ll screw it up. Oh, I have an idea, of course (Scroll down to “Viola’s Riding Habit�?), and I have a pattern that I think will produce pretty much that dress…. I do need to dig up the velvet & jacquard that I bought for the German dress and see if it’s salvageable – I bought it when I was younger and less wise and it’s been stored poorly (folded up in a Rubbermaid tub), and the jacquard may be the wrong type (I think it’s rubber backed…)

Work has picked up – I realized I’ve had four bosses since Dad’s death 5 months ago, which is a little disturbing, but the company has gone through some shakeups due to the economy – I’m quite relieved to be working. My new(est) boss has taken it as his personal mission to ensure that I am kept quite busy, and I find it hard to complain . It has cut down on my time to play on Ravelry and the Knittyboard .

Of course I haven’t. I’ve spent way too long upgrading WordPress & repairing my theme (note to self: before doing an upgrade, back up EVERYTHING, not just the stuff you think you need)

Actual content update? Maybe Monday….